The Harder Road
by cjorgo
Summary: Danny and Lindsay are near divorce, they have a 4 year old daughter and a teenage girl no less makes them look at there lives and ask themselves is this really what we want? is it to late to fix what is said and done? This is an AU from the point of view of Amber a fictional character purely mine the rest I have borrowed from CSI:NY and they are just mine to manipulate with words
1. Chapter 1

**A few things: I don't own CSI:NY if I did I wouldn't have to write fan-fictions, I am an Aussie and parts of Amber are based on myself, sailing for one, but also I have never been to America (I haven't even left Australia) and I am taking all my information from the internet so I am sorry if I get something wrong, Also I read A LOT when I say a lot I mean it of fan-fictions so you may occasionally see something that looks familiar and for that I apologize I do try not to plagiarise but it seems the more I read the more good ideas are taken and are crossed off the list... **

Amber laughed in spite of herself it had been a long time since she had smiled and the action had an almost foreign feeling to it. She adjust the rudder of her pride and joy, a small white sailing boat with a red stripe around the gunwales and on the front deck, a pirate flag fluttered in the wind just like it had done on the boat of her name sake the Amazon from the Classic Swallows and Amazons by Arthur Randsome . Amber had chosen this name due to her many years of her childhood romanticising about what it might've been like to sail off to a secret deserted island and go off in adventures across the sea never had she thought that she might ever get this close to doing what she had dreamed of, nor that it would be far more difficult than she had ever imagined.

She slid the rudder across and the boat did a neat turn sliding gracefully across the water with only the creak of the boom and the flap of the canvas as Amazon changed her tack to continue along the East river, looking for somewhere to more her for the night, Amber glanced at the map of The American coast wrapped in a plastic bag, on the floor of the boat beside her it couldn't be much further she thought to herself as she passed under the Williamsburg bridge drawing towards a promenade that ran along the edge of the water.

Amber had just tacked away from the walkway when she heard a shout from a child's voice shrill with excitement up on the board walk "Mummy, Mummy lookee there's a boat, come see!"  
"Lucy wait for mummy, she just has to get your ice-cream from the nice man"  
an exasperated voice called back, but it was too late a blond haired little girl, maybe four or five wearing a bright red jacket to fend off the autumn chill, had appeared at the edge of the promenade and was leaning through the barricade. It all happened so quickly on second the little girl, Lucy had been leaning through the barricade and Amber had been once again about to tack away from the promenade, then there was a scream and a splash as Lucy fell into the water.

Amber glanced at the oncoming ferry then making up her mind swerved Amazon so she was heading towards the centre of the ripples from the splash, as she drew nearer Amber slackened her mainsheet and slowed her pace so as to come to a complete stop in front of where Lucy had fallen, Amber let go of the tiller and the mainsheet, ignoring the oncoming ferry's angry horn, she reached into the water groping around her hand closing on Lucy's coat and wrenched her unceremoniously into the bottom of the boat causing Amazon to rock precariously.

As soon as Lucy was on-board Amber replaced tension on the Mainsheet and with a jolt Amazon caught the wind and sailed smoothly once again, slipping out of the ferry's path and out to clear water. Breathing a sigh of relief Amber returned her attention to Lucy who was coughing up water and shivering violently; Amber unzipped her spray jacket and handed it to her. "Put this on, it will make you feel warmer"  
She said with what she hopped was a friendly smile. Amber glanced back to the shore where she saw the distressed she assumed mother of Lucy on the promenade watching them intently. Amber watched as Lucy wrapped the jacket around herself and pulled it so far that it covered her feet as she sat curled up in a ball on the deck of Amazon. After a moments silence Lucy looked up at Amber, her eyes were big blue and wet with what looked like suppressed tears, "what's your name?" She asked timidly.  
"Amber, and if I'm right yours is Lucy?"  
She nodded, "How did you know dat?"  
Amber smiled as she tacked back across the river heading towards part of the board walk designed to tie off boats on that she really needed to find somewhere to tie up for the night she'd lose the light soon and night sailing wouldn't be much fun with all this other traffic. "I just know"  
She responded tapping the side of her nose knowingly.

"Let's get you back to mummy, how does that sound?"  
Lucy nodded, she had stopped coughing and her shivering had died down but she wanted to go home. A few metres from the pontoon Amber jumped nimbly forward letting the sail fall into a neat heap in the bottom of the boat, before using the residual momentum to steer them into the pontoon where Lucy's mother was already waiting. Amber leapt out like a cat, a much practiced cat at that, onto the pontoon and fastened the painter to one of the cleats located on the side of the structure. Amber could hear Lucy's mum as she chanted to herself repeatedly "Thank god she's okay"  
"Lucy" Amber said gently attracting the little girls attention. "I am going to lift you out to mummy okay?"  
Lucy nodded her head slowly.

Amber stepped carefully into the boat so as not to make it rock, and lifted Lucy up to where her mother took her into a tight hug and murmured repeatedly while kissing Lucy on the head "thank you, thank you, thank you"  
Amber nodded and said softly "anyone would have done the same"  
Lucy's Mum seemed to notice her for the first time. Her face was blotchy from tears and pale from horror, she began to take the spray jacket off Lucy. "No keep it, she'll freeze on the way home otherwise"  
Lucy's mother nodded mutely at the teenage girl in front of her. She fished around in her pocket for a moment before handing Amber a business card. "My names Lindsay and if you need anything at all please call me"  
"I'm Amber and thanks, I'll do that"  
"Can I have your address so I can drop this off?"  
"No"  
Lindsay Looked momentarily confused, then picking taking a pen and a scrap of paper she wrote out her address and handed it to Amber. "Look, come over and have dinner with us tonight, say around 6:30?"  
Amber was surprised "I really don't want to impose"  
Lindsay shook her head "It won't be an Imposition really think of it as a thank you, now I really must be getting Lucy home"  
Amber nodded watching as they walked away, it would be nice to eat a proper meal she hadn't eaten anything much for a while and she was running out of money fast, so a free meal wasn't to be turned down lightly.

Amber sailed a little further before she found a small rivulet where she dropped her mast and stowed her sail finally coiling her main sheet and storing it behind the two water proof boxes that stored all her worldly possessions, before setting out towards Lindsay apartment.

**Please comment and vote: Also I have tried to edit but I am dyslexic so my grammar isn't great (ironic I know write stories as a hobby but can't spell to save myself) anyway I am sorry if you find any mistakes and please tell me about them so I can fix them. **


	2. Chapter 2

**So again I am sorry for any inaccuracies, spelling mistakes etc. The first bit of Danny in this chapter sorry that will be more romance but I have to introduce my story a bit first... **

Amber found herself walking up the final flight of stairs before the level of Lindsay's apartment. She had taken two trains to get there and had to ask three people for directions. Taking a deep breath she glanced at the note which was very creased from the number times she had unfolded and refolded it confirming she was at the right Apartment Amber knocked on the door wrapping her knuckles smartly thrice against the wooden panels.

There was a small commotion that could just be heard from outside going on within the walls, it appeared that Lucy was eager for her arrival, Amber hear the lock click and the door open enough to see Lindsay looking out. "Oh good I'm glad you came"  
Amber smiled and as the door was opened to allow her entrance followed her host inside. Almost immediately after she had crossed the threshold Amber received a blow to her knees that came in the form of an over excited Lucy.

"Come see my pwety pictures"  
Unstructured Lucy. While Lindsay slipped away to look at dinner, smiling Amber allowed herself to be dragged into the living room where the floor was carpeted with paper, texter pens, pencils and crayons in every colour imaginable. Lucy plonked herself on a vaguely clear gestured for Amber to sit down beside her. For the next half hour Amber remarked with the appropriate levels of gusto about pictures of her boat, flowers, a star a rocket ship, Lucy's mummy and her friends and even a birdy she'd named George. Finally Lucy picked up a picture of a house and three people two tall and one small all smiling happily while holding hands. "dis is mummy" she pointed to the larger stick figure wearing a dress, "dis is our house" she indicated the building behind them "dat's me" she pointed to the smallest person in the picture "and dats daddy, he ewsed to ive wid me but now he moved away and make mummy cry… dat made me sad" Lucy informed Amber.

Amber pulled Lucy into a hug, "I know it, made you sad but the sadness will pass, take it from someone who knows it'll get better"  
"When?" Demanded Lucy  
"I don't know exactly when but will take time and it will feel like forever, but it's not you know that and one day it won't hurt anymore"  
"Come on Lucy wash your hands for dinner"  
Lindsay called from the doorway causing them both jump having not heard her walk in.

Amber followed Lindsay into the kitchen and picked up a dish to carry to the table. "I'm sorry about that, but you seemed to hand it really well"  
commented Lindsay "I just thought of what I would've liked someone to have said to me when… my parents spilt and my dad moved to America and mum stayed in Australia"  
"is that why you moved to America?"  
"After my mum died in a car accident a year ago"  
Sadness at the thought washed over Amber repressing it, She placed the food on the table, Amber saw it was set in a curious arrangement the spot on the left hand side was vacant but the head of the table and two positions on the right were filled, she assumed that used to be where Lindsay's husband sat. Lindsay still loved him, that much was clear, but what had caused it, no Amber told herself, this isn't something I should get involved in no matter how much she hated to see that little angel of a daughter get her heart broken it was none of her business.

Amber sat down at to a very good meal of pasta and salad Lucy kept up most of the conversation chatting about things she'd seen in the park and what she planned on doing with 'daddy' suddenly out of the blue she asked Amber "Why do you talk funny?"  
Laughing Amber explained "I speak with an accent, to myself I sound normal but it's because I come from Australia, but to me you sound funny"  
Lucy grinned showing her a gap filled smile, "we both sound funny"  
She concluded, before returning to her dinner

After dinner Amber was lead into Lucy's room and introducing her to all her stuffed toys. "That's Jeromy the giraffe and Kitty and Grace and Antoinette…."  
However shortly afterword's she was interrupted by raised voices outside. She got up and Amber followed, to see a man in his thirty's standing across from Lindsay shouting at her "Are you stupid? She could have drowned, did you not think about that? What if she'd died? It would've been entirely your fault it still is entirely your fault…"  
Amber knelt down and whispered in Lucy's ear "Sweety, go to your room okay?"  
Lucy turned and hurried off; Amber took a deep breath and harnessed her temper. "Excuse me I know I am intruding and that this is a private insulting monologue, that most of Manhattan can hear, but you should really shut your mouth and wait until you know what the bloody hell you're talking about. The only thing Lindsay could be blamed for is turning her back for two seconds to buy ice-creams and Lucy took off to see my sailing boat, she got to excited and fell in so I think you owe someone and an apology and next time you decide to come charging in like a bull in a china shop, make sure you know the full story. Also a conversation with your daughter probably isn't a bad idea because she dies a little bit inside when she hears you two fighting, why do you think she draws pictures of happy families? It's what she wants more than anything in the world…"  
Amber suddenly realised what she was saying "I'm sorry that was out of line, I'll go"  
she made for the door when Lindsay stopped her saying "no please stay, its okay Danny was just picking up Lucy and leaving."  
Amber tried to ignore all the memories of her father shouting at her that it brought flooding back.

Without a word Danny walked past Amber causing her to flinch backwards and into Lucy's room the anger radiating from him was almost tangible. Lindsay's face was pale and Amber could tell she was close to tears. Amber gave Lindsay a brave smile, after that they sat in silence for a while, until Danny returned with Lucy in tow and a pink Dora the Explorer back pack in his hand. Lucy said goodbye to both of Lindsay and Amber then made Amber promise to come back soon the little girl seemed ignorant to the tension in the room so thick it could've been cut with a knife.

As soon as the latch clicked behind the two of them Lindsay lost the last of her resolve, tears ran down her face and she sobbed uncontrollably muttering to herself not even registering Ambers presence "He's right I'm not a good parent, I'm not good enough, he never loved me, I was never good enough, who did I think I was? Why do I have to love him so much? Why does it have to hurt so much?"  
"Because your human and you were doing what you thought was right" Amber chose her words carefully "have you talked to him yet?"  
Lindsay looked confused "you saw what happens when we are in the same room, besides he has moved on, he doesn't want me he never did…"  
her breathing was quickening again, "Breath in and out, calm down its okay"  
Lindsay took a deep breath to calm herself and asked softly "why did you stand up to him like that?"  
Lindsay found something troubling about this teenage girl, she looked like she was 16 or 17 maybe 18 at a stretch but she acted like a person twice her age and was as articulate as a scholar. Amber looked up at her with big vibrant green eyes, her deep red wavy curls of hair swished across her face. "I'm sorry about that, I lost it, it just took me back to mum and dad fighting then later dad getting angry at me for something that wasn't my fault and you won't understand how angry that made me, I couldn't believe he would speak like that in front of his daughter and blame you for something that wasn't your fault. Also you helped me, you have me food for a night and a safe place to spend a few hours it was the least I could do for you"  
Lindsay looked at Amber, and then made an impulsive decision "Come live here, you need a place to stay, and I have a spare room…"  
Amber stared at her, Lindsay had kindness, cordage and love for everyone but she couldn't impose on a stranger like this, they'd only met this morning. Lindsay seemed to know what she was thinking, "I know this is very sudden but you're a nice honest person, you get along with Lucy, you make her smile, and you need help so let me give it to you like someone did to me when I first moved to New York I was alone and a stranger showed me the gift of kindness now let me show it to you"  
Amber didn't know what to say she opened her mouth to protest but all she seemed to be able to say was "Thank you"

**Please Vote Comment any CONSTRUCTIVE criticism appreciated... there will be more from Danny (not just entire douche) **


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